Clubland Agony

It is dark in the club, save for strobe lights and sudden cracks of what looks like lightning. The drinks are flowing, she has had just the right amount to dispel inhibition, quell rational thought, and drown anxiety. She seems ready. Laughing, happy and moving about, she mingles with the crowd she came with, never once leaving her partner's side. She finds humour in all jokes; she feels ten feet tall, she is sure of herself.


The clubbers think they are so cool, most of them regulars, most of them know or at least recognize each other. She is foreign to them and she is oblivious to their intrigued stares. She moves slightly, not really dancing, not really swaying - but moves to some internal beat somewhere. She laughs, she pats the boys on the chest, she blows kisses to the girls, she swirls her drink around - she stops dead in her tracks when someone shouts in her ear, "Your crush is here, LOOK!!"

Shock, horror and awe are quickly replaced by uneasy smiles. She is trying to maintain form; she is trying to go back to that special place she was in. No amount of alcohol could save her from this new onslaught of anxiety. He smiles and mouths a "Hi". She waves like a five year-old school girl with pig tails. He walks away. Just like that, as though she had been struck, she inches away from the drinks table, and clings on to her partner.

She tries to forget that he is there. Not quite knowing what to do, she feigns intoxication, hoping she would never see him ever again, hoping he would never know what he stirs within her. She notices that the group and her partner are moving closer towards the main entrance, everyone is leaving! She could not believe it; she checks the time and sees that it is almost closing time. The first question that pops into her head; why did he come so late? She stands tall and scans the entire expanse of the club for him. She can't see him, all the while trying to concentrate on trying to seem totally carefree. No one seems to notice her anxiety and she breathes a sigh of relief.

"I thought I'd come over and say hi - properly," she heard. She turns to see him standing there. Not reaching for a hug, or even a handshake, keeping a polite distance until he leans forward to shout over the music, "How are you?!"

Keeping her excitement banked, "I'm good! You?!"

"I'm good. I have to say, you've grown...tall, I mean."

Jumping at her cue to a lame statement, "Oh? Nawww, it's just heels." It was the truth anyway; no one carries off a pair of four inch heels better than she does. Taking advantage of her new found confidence, she opens her mouth to say something and he cuts her off by saying, "It's really good to see you. Really. You're very... tall. I didn't get the chance to check you out properly earlier"

"Don't worry, I didn't get fat, but, uhh, umm, thanks?" He goes on to shout at how much she has grown and how he is happy to see her. She attempts to comfort him by giving him the perfunctory pat-pat on the chest. He looks flustered and asks, "You're here with?"

"Ohh! I'm here with my best friend! You remember her? Yeah, it's my first time here and it's quite a nice place," she babbles incessantly and he turns away from her abruptly, instantly going to chat up her best friend. She hides her complete disappointment by turning to her partner and cuddling into him. "Thank God he's here. I'd have flung myself at him if I were alone," she thought to herself.

She holds her partners hand, all the while not realizing that she is staring at this awful man who knows not how she suffers. Saved from the stare by a big, burly DJ who comes to tell her how she should stop wearing t-shirts, how he would love to see her in a dress, how his sister and him are so close, while he playfully disturbs her partner. The angry looking giant is actually very sweet. Could he sense her discomfort? He moves in to block her view of the little man who sends her libido into overdrive. Her partner snakes an arm around her, and leans towards the burly DJ to hear his ramblings better.

Meanwhile, her best friend is completely oblivious and is revelling in the attention she is getting from this awesomely attractive, tiny man, not once glancing over to her. They chat for what seems like an eternity and when that was done, he walks away happily. She stares at his back, willing him to look at her, but to no avail. He disappears into the crowd.

Her best friend says to her, "Ready to go?"

Feigning nonchalance she says, "Yeps! Let's go!"

She walks out of the club with her partner and best friend, pretending she was not absolutely hurt by his cold behaviour. She wants him to want her. She wants him to suffer the way she does. She would never hurt her partner, but this man was around well before her partner came into the picture, and he sets her on fire. She hopes she never sees him ever again. She secretly hopes she bumps into him again. She hopes he falls off the face of the planet, she hopes he would call her.

Under the pretence of intoxication, she says she is sleepy and tired. She gets into the car and the three of them drive away. She hopes she never sees him ever again...