***
He hated humans; he hated them almost as much as he hated the whip. Sure, it was supposed to be humane, they claimed that the small “signal whip” was purely used to make that cracking sound he hated almost as much as humans itself. What they did not realise it that he was a slave to no one and will never, ever, ever be “trained” into sitting on a blasted chair like some daft human. How he hated them. How he loathed them. He knew it would soon be show time and wanted nothing more than to lie on the ground and feign death. He always tried – and never got away with it, mostly because Ring Master Perkins knew him all too well. He could smell them, the rancid, gut-churning smell of little children waiting in line to enter the huge high-top circus tent. If he was not in a cage, he was in the “ring” and Sheila would be cracking the whip, nudging him to get on this chair and that. He did not hate her - not much at least.
The smell of popcorn wafted to his cage, causing his whiskers to wiggle. The monkeys were going crazy. They loved that smell and waited for those filthy children to pass by their cage and throw popcorn at them, so they could nibble it – hopefully to their death. The children would jump around in excitement; try to stick their tiny hands through the cage if only to poke the monkeys while they chomped on the popcorn – hopefully to their death. They would scream, “Look, mommy! Mr. Monkey likes popcorn! Look, mommy, look!” Blasted children. He should eat them.
He felt grumpier than ever as he saw some kids milling around, slowly making their way to his cage. He prayed that one - just one - stupid little child put his stupid little hand in his cage. He would give them the “show” of a lifetime. Behind him he heard Sheila rolling the transport cage towards him. Sheila smelled nice. She did not have that strange flowery lavender or whatever odd plant scent most female humans had. Sheila smelled particularly delectable after a long day. The sweet smell of her sweat almost intoxicated him. How wonderful would it be if he could just have a taste?
She was making that “cluck-cluck” sound he knew too well. She was calling him, “Percy! Percy kitten!”
She was mumbling sweet nothings at him, urging him out of his cage. He knew better than to move out before a piece of fresh meat, preferably cow, was given to him and she knew better than to dangle it in front of him. This time, she did things slightly differently – the meat was placed in the transport cage. Kids were standing around, waiting and watching, hoping to get a glance of the “Percy the Great” chomp down on some pre-cut game. He wanted to chase down and kill his own game, not eat some sliced meat that smelled of cow but looked nothing like it off the floor.
He had decided today was the day he wanted to die. He knew there was no way he would escape the circus. He had been doing it for almost two decades now. He knew other tigers only lived half that time. Why would he want to live so long anyway? Today he was going to make his move. He purred at Sheila. She was the closest human, at least the closest a human could get to him. She knew him well and had been kind to him. Today, all that would change.
As the lights dimmed and Ring Master Perkins announced – with great bravado, “Welcome one, welcome all! We’re about to start the show! Jesters!”
As a spot light right in the middle of the ring came on, two smelly, odd looking humans came out and cajoled the crowd. They wore so much make up. Percy knew biting them would not be pleasant. They teased and made those awful children laugh, reminded mothers to keep their children beside them at all times and told everyone to make sure their cell phones were turned off. Percy knew what a cell phone was. One of the monkeys had stolen one, threw it around and caused it to land in his cage. He had chewed it and pawed it until it no longer made that strange sound - it was quite tasty actually and the strange vibration made his tongue tingle.
As he was released into the ring, he saw Sheila. She was cracking the whip, telling him to sit on a high stool. He was, after all, the most revered and feared animal at the circus. He would show them how much they should fear him. He listened and followed, as usual.
As she “clucked” around and cracked the whip, as little children peered at him through eyes that were covered with their disgusting paws, as Ring Master Perkins told everyone how dangerous the Great Tiger was, Percy prepared himself. Flexing his claws, licking his chops and angling his body for attack – which of course no one noticed, they were too busy looking at the “big kitty”.
It happened so fast, there was nothing anyone could do. He leapt through the air, his huge, long body landing firmly on top of Sheila. She smelled wonderful. He felt empowered. He had not been so free in so long. He roared and the crowd fell silent. Other humans, stupid circus humans, began to encircle the big, round cage in an effort to distract him. He was so focused, nothing could stop him now. He wanted to die, but he would feel like a real tiger just once more.
He roared again, not to threaten the other humans but to let them know he was a real tiger, not some hairball-eating mini-feline. As tranquilizer guns were pulled out, as Ring Master Perkins began to shout at the crowd and tell them to calm down, Percy lifted his heavy paw and extended his claws. With great resolve, he tore at her neck, killing her instantly. To prove a point, he bent and tasted her. Her vacuous eyes were open, staring at him, her face frozen in shock.
Sure that he had not done enough damage, he roared again, showed them his blood-covered fangs and began to tear at her abdomen. He did not even hear the first shot – did not even feel it. As darts pummelled his thigh and neck, he continued to rip poor Sheila to shreds. He felt like a real tiger again. The lights went off and the screams began. Percy was free. Percy The Great was free.
Inspired by Percy, my neighbour's obese cat. He rocks! He bit me today while I was doing my sit-ups, in a place I'd rather not talk about. I totally did not deserve it.
I am Percy, HEAR ME SNORE!
By the way, I nearly shat myself watching this video. I am sooooo inspired. I am just sooooo inspired Please watch the video. It really rocks... or not. Please keep toilet roll handy, she's going to blow your pants off.
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