Bug Nuts and the Idiot

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“Thanks, Chip. I really appreciate it. You just have to watch the shop for a couple of hours, okay?” Jake said to Chip. Four days after planting the microphone and with no new information on the mystifying lady named Jo, Jake decided to check her out during office hours. He was done listening to nothing but her music, which she had varying taste in, and her amusing banter with the dog – which he still had not seen. Did she not walk him?


“Hey, no problem, dude. You’re really busy these days. Whatcha been up to? You’ve been closing up earlier than usual over the past few days. You alright?” Chip said, drawing him out of thought.

“Yeah, just working on something, that’s all. Anyways, thanks again. I’m off. I’ll be back before closing time,” Jake said to the pimple-faced teenager. He was a good kid, and right now, he was a saviour.

Closing the store door and striding towards the truck, Jake looked over at The Coffee Grounds. She was not there. Feeling good about the whole endeavour, he jumped into the truck, fired it up and flew down to Rover Lane. He had found a good spot to spy on her and although it got a bit too hot in the evenings, he did not mind.

Parking the car and grabbing his self-named double-oh-seven spy kit, he crouched down in his spot. The grass had flattened considerably and if anyone cared to look, they would know a “human” had been trampling all over the area, and that then “trampling” was done often.

He put on the ear phones and turned on the hub. The microphone worked like a charm.

“Really, now? Look, I don’t give a shit either ways. This is taking way too long, and I have a bunch of Feds breathing down my neck,” a man said. A man was in her house? What is going on? Was she in some kind of trouble? All these days there had not been anyone, and now suddenly there was a man shouting at her? Quelling the protective instinct that was burgeoning and the creeping jealously, Jake listened on.

“Ooooo. At least you’ve got someone breathing on you. Shut up, now. You know what’s been happening. It’s only a matter of time. He’ll come, he can’t resist the lure. I’ve set the bait perfectly,” Jo said.

“Set the bait perfectly? What? You set the bait so perfectly that every man in town wants to ‘breathe’ on you! Wait till the world finds out what a bloody basket-case you are,” the man groused.

“Why, you little shit. I’ll take that as a compliment. I’m hungry. You?” she replied, and Jake knew the sound of her voice when she was smiling. He had come to know her quite well, actually, what with all the “spying” he was doing. Stalker. He knew she liked eating pop corn, she listened to all kinds of music, she had a dog named Hootch, she smoked – he saw the cigarettes and ashtray a few nights back and he knew she was working on something, if only because she had a habit of talking to herself. Almost like a commentary for the world to hear, only with no substantial information.

“You see? You’re bug-nuts. Brilliant, but bug-nuts. We need it built, and we need it built yesterday,” the seemingly amused man said.

“Oh, alright. Keep your pants on. We’ll get him one of these days, or should I go get him now?” she said.

“Now is a good idea. Go get ‘em, tiger!” the man said, laughing. Jake wondered why this man sounded a lot like him, or at least had a similar tone.

“Tiger? Seriously? Lame. I’m a Panthera tigris, moron,” she laughed out.

“Fucking bug-nuts. God only knows why I was chucked with a loon like you,” he mumbled.

Watching the window with his binoculars, he continued to listen on. He had now made himself comfortable on the knoll of grass, well hidden by the taller weeds that the Town Council “forgot” to take care of. He was lying on his belly, earphones on and binoculars literally attached to his eye sockets.

“Hello!” a cheerful, familiar voice said. Before he could turn around and get up, he saw the butt of a Glock G21 heading for his face. Unable to block the attack, he felt the hard steel of the handgun bash into his left temple and he blacked out instantly but not before hearing her say something.

“It’s all about stealth, baby – and this Panthera tigris has it. Fuck, I’m good.”



***

“Gosh, he’s handsome. Six feet two, or three - I can’t be sure, of pure, hard male. Yummy, yummy,” Jake heard her say.

“Stop being a pervert. Wake him up. He’s my brother for God’s sake. I never said you had to assault him! I can’t believe you hit him! He’s not trained the way you are, you menace!” the male voice said.

“James?” Jake said as he roused.

“Hey! It was a non-lethal blow!Oh, lookie here, he’s awake. Isn’t he just the cutest? Would you like a cuddle?” Jo asked.

“Don’t mind her, she’s a nut-case,” James muttered.

Attempting to stand and failing miserably, Jake noticed that his hands had been fixed to the seat handles with handcuffs.

“I know, right? Kinky! I’ve always wanted to ‘chain a man to a chair’! Well, James-sie, aren’t you going to introduce me to your big brother? He’s so big and so...” she was cut off by a swift hand gesture from James. “Party pooper.”

“She just won’t shut up, Jake. You need to let me explain what’s going on before I uncuff you, okay?” James said.

“Uncuff me now so I can strangle you. How could you let her knock me out and cuff me to a chair? It’s obvious you don’t plan on killing me or interrogating me, so let me go! I’ll listen to your explanation either ways!” Jake snapped.

“So, it’s like this. Meet Dr. Johanna Lester. Celebrated particle physicist and weapon’s expert, trained militant and crazy-lady. Don’t say anything until you hear me out. I’m your brother, yet it’s protocol that I introduce myself to you,” James said.

“Oh, can I, can I? Meet James Foster. Celebrated computer geek, trained militant and idiot extraordinaire!” Jo, or Johanna interjected.

“God, will you shut up! Now Jake, we needed to bring you in like this because there was no other way. We had to get you to come onto our property so we can tell the big guys up there that you were a willing party in all this,” James said pointedly.

“Willing? Do I look willing to you right now?” Jake shouted and looked pointedly at the hand cuffs. He took a moment to absorb his surroundings, an environment he had been looking at from the outside in. Now that he actually was inside and he was pleasantly surprised that it was not the Coroner’s lab with all sorts of tools the good “Dr” could dissect him with – or torture him with. James was there, which was a comfort even though he felt a little betrayed by it. “How did you know I was watching her?”

“Easy, big boy – and you really are a big boy. You weigh approximately 183 pounds. I know a lot of things. I may not have cameras outside, but I do have a thermal-sensor perimeter set up. Plus, I really do enjoy hunting, particularly delicious-looking prey. Meowr!” Jo explained, with her hands doing some kind of claw-like movement which made her look silly.

“So, can I continue now?” James asked her sarcastically. They obviously knew each other well, at least well enough to insult each other without offending one another. “We work for a securities company based in the Czech Republic, but owned by Americans. We were assigned a project that could only be done in a remote location, but on American soil. We need to build something, which is a rather complex mechanism, and we plan on building it right here, in Somerset.”

“I’m 185 pounds, thank you. That’s all well and good, but firstly, what is it you need to build, why is this woman armed, which ‘company’ do you work for and finally, why am I here?” Jake asked impatiently.

“Because you’re going to build it, Jake-meister!” Jo replied gleefully.


Chapter 6 will be out on the 14th of June! Thanks for reading Reading Raynes!